Stupid Annoying Men

How the hell can you expect to tell me that you are upset with me because of something I did and then you can't tell me what it was?

Wtf is that? This from the person who gets upset if I don't answer their questions instantaneously. But nope I guess the rules are different for you

Crushes Pt 2

So he does like me after all I think.... A that is.

He asked me on a date after exams. I have no idea what to do. Technically I still am with S but we're currently not speaking.

I was initially all excited but now it feels like cheating...sigh Plus I think he's only interested in the physical although he claims he wants to get to know me better.... (men,men,men....)

If I did go out with him I wouldn't kiss him or anything. If it feels this awkward now I can only imagine what it would be like then.

Exams will be upon me in 7 days. I have an eczema rash by the armpit of my left hand and in the crease of the elbow of my right hand. My sister has no cream (joy)

And I have spent the past 2 days without revision. (Yay me!)

FI BF

Why the fuck do you always make fucking promises that you can't fucking keep? Are you that fucking stupid? How hard is it to pick up a phone and make a 15 second phone call. Its not like it costs anything.

You do this to me over and over and I'm sick and fucking tired of it.

I mean SO much to you. I'm supposed to be your Achille's heel; heel my ass.

Plastic Bag

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? I hate that song..but now I finally understand it.

Today was our drama thingie in Independence Square.

No parental support and bf was AWOL...yay Me!

A took his shirt off...he let me touch his abs. B danced with me and I put my arms around his neck.

S was however quite present in my mind. And Ellinad remained as stiff and rigid as possible. Why do I have to stick my nose up? Why can't I just have fun like everyone else?

Then I think maybe this is just who I am. Why can't they accept it? Why do I have to change?

Its probably for the best that I didn't dance with A or B. Might have complicated things further. We all know how emotionally attached I get.

Sigh...

Crushes

Is it ok to have a crush in a relationship? Cause I kinda have one on this guy... well its not really a crush. I don't mean those intense bouts of infatuation that occurred in secondary school.

He doesn't make my knees weak or my heart go pitterpat (ah memories of R...)

I guess i'm just plain old attracted to him but I'd never act on it. Plus he thinks of me as a friend anyway. He's one of those funny flirty guys that you never take seriously but sometimes I wonder if he is?

And if he didn't think of me as a friend what would I do? I'd never cheat on S and all I wonder about is kissing him. No I'm not having thoughts about sex with him (that would be too weird) Just one kiss... but then if we did what would happen after...What would would be the consequences of my actions. I'm too responsible at times. :(

Starting to wonder if I'm missing out. Not a good sign. You need to step up S before someone takes you out.

Rant

What can I say I'm a weird little person.

I really don't like people.

My mother still reads my diary (I'm 20) hence why I'm on here.

Right now my boyfriend is ignoring me and I have an urge to kiss another guy. Nothing major and nothing will ever happen. Just curious I guess.

So essentially he hasn't talked to me ok and he asks none of the following questions:

1. Did u get anything 2 eat?
2. Does ur head still hurt?
3. How was rehearsal?
4. How did the wukup scene go?
5. Did you get home ok?

I don't think I'm meant to be here. Really want to go to the UK. Caribbean culture doesn't suit me. Wukking up disgusts me and I really hate most soca. I like dancehall though go figure.

Tomorrow (today) I have to do a skit in town in which I have to dance with a guy. Yay me. I think its disgusting http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwGyHBBPdvc Gosh...lets all dry hump each other and call it dancing...

Exams in 13 days: Hours of revision:zero

Such is my life. Hopefully I'll stick with this littler experiment until then I remain

Ellinad